June 26, 2008
If Your Relationship's Not Growing…
If you're relationship's not growing, it's either stagnant or - worse - dying.
And being in a stagnant or dying relationship is certainly not the purpose of relationship. Nor, I imagine, is it what you wanted (or even imagined was possible) when you entered into your relationship.
Many couples allow their relationship to deteriorate into a state of maintaining a "status quo."
Maintaining a relationship that is "stable" in the sense that the relationship is strong and enjoyable is a desirable thing.
But by "maintaining the status quo" I mean that both people have "settled" for some limited version of the relationship they desire and deserve, and would rather stay in it than get out of it or put the time or energy into reviving it.
We already do too much "settling" in our lives. "Settling" simply means that you're willing to accept something less than you truly want. Only you know if you're settling in your relationship.
You can stop "settling" simply by embracing what you already have, and appreciating that you have that, instead of something worse. And believe me, it can always get worse.
It may sound trite, but simply putting your attention on the things you like and appreciate about anything, instead of focusing on what you don't like or what you otherwise wish you had, can make a big difference in your attitude. Acknowledging your appreciation - adopting an "attitude of gratitude" - can literally turn your world and how you perceive and respond to it upside down.
How to Get the Relationship you Truly Desire and Deserve
Imagine that the car you own is seven years old and not in excellent shape, and you wish you had a brand spanking new car.
What would you do if you REALLY wanted that new car? You'd make a plan for how to get it, and then you'd implement the plan.
If it involved making more money, and you had a way to do that (like taking a second part-time job), you'd do that.
If you wanted to make extra money by having home-based business, you'd research home-based business opportunities, select the best one for you, and dedicate yourself to learning from others who had already been successful.
You'd look to these successful people in business to show you how to avoid the pitfalls of that business, and be most effective at getting the results you wanted as quickly as possible.
So what if your relationship is like that seven- year-old car and not in excellent shape, and you wish it was like it was when it was brand new?
What would you do if you REALLY wanted that kind of relationship?
The answer may sound a bit simplistic. Because it is.
You make a plan for how to get that kind of relationship, and then you implement the plan.
You dedicate yourself to learning how to bring the romance and the love and the mutual appreciation back into your relationship.
You commit to learning new ways of experiencing and expressing your love for one another.
You research opportunities for learning from authorities on relationship and sexuality who have had their share of ups and downs, and use their experience to teach you how to avoid the pitfalls of trying to revive a stagnant or dying relationship.
You select the best teachers for you from among them - those who you believe can best show you how to be most effective at getting the result you want as quickly as possible.
And you go to work putting what you learned into practice.
Many cultures have a similar saying, but I like the English translation of one that was shared with me from the Chinese: "If you continue to ride your horse in the direction it's going, you're likely to end up where you're headed."
Take a good look at your relationship.
Is it growing, stagnant or dying?
Do you like the direction you're headed?
If so, just keep riding your horse, and it will take you where you want to go.
If not, then you'll need to take the reigns and steer your horse in another direction - one that promises greater loving, caring, and appreciation. One that also features a sense of mutually shared satisfaction and fulfillment.
Devote even just a few minutes each day to learning new ways of being that awaken passion. Develop new, more supportive beliefs, and discover new ways to express love for yourself and your beloved. Simply being committed to doing an "ounce" of work on making your relationship better each day will make a difference that is lasting.
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"Making Love Simply Divine" is a program dedicated to helping you to have a highly successful, deeply fulfilling relationship, in and out of the bedroom.
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Filed under Create and Nurture Great Relationships, Relationships by MLSDFounder






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